Well of course I'd like to stay and chat

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 18:00:47 GMT

So today marks a lot of things. The end of midterms, the last day of my braces, and the day that i stop letting the world take a shit on me. It's getting ridiculous. I used to be one of those girls who just didn't have problems, not with friends, or family, or school. That's all changed. A lot. Especially over the past few months.

I need to do a lot of things, and actually slow down and fix things instead of making it worse or generally messing myself up more.

I'm going to start writing things down more. If i can't tell people whats wrong with me, and i can't stop overthinking things, then I'm going to do something to pull the cork off the bottle.
I'm going to start being here for myself. If there's no one i can depend on in life, than I'll just have to be ready and waiting to help myself, all me, all the time, 24/7.

Think shedding an exoskeleton. I'm a snake.

With all that said, the new Sophie marks a new "diary", _droplette_. And this time it WILL be a journal, not some crappy messageboard. It will also be FRIENDS ONLY, so if you still like me, get me to add you on there, and vice versa.

Phew. I'm feeling good. Let's see how long this can last.

Love and a little hankie like the princess waves at her far-off prince,
Sophie

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 22:33:06 GMT

Let's see how random and unfeeling we can make this entry....:

I really want a "Here Comes a Special Girl" hoodie. They are teh cUteness.

I got a 100-slot CD case, finally. But it's kind of sad that all my burned CDs take up most of the room.

Bio is the absolute bitch of the world. It never ends. Ever.

I need to persuade my parents to let me go to the HHH concert in March. They are so dumb when it comes to school-night activities.

Countdown...: 28 hours. I can't wait. I'll be rockin' the red lipstick and goofy smile, fer sure.

I may be a polar bear, but the snow is getting ridiculous. We can't play in it; why is it still here?

I want to go to Target.

Man, I love it when almost every sentence in an entry starts with "I". It reminds me that this is my journal, and anyone who reads it is just a nosy bystander.

Much love and like a million jogging suits,
Sophie

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 00:58:03 GMT

I'm starting to get sick of people. And i don't mean people in a crap, "I'm vague and looking to start a commotion" way. People in general. Sometimes there are better things...like books. And dogs who you can chase around the house. And tea.

I wish i was in Cape Cod. I think one summer I'll have to live there, and get a job at The Juice.

This is The Juice:

Yep, it's lopsided. And they make the best falafel I've ever tasted.

And this is Cape Cod:

And this is where I wish i was:

Just me and the big blue sea.

No LJ-Cut for you.

"You look like the girl in Pulp Fiction!!"

Tue, 25 Jan 2005 23:11:36 GMT

This isn't meant to sound masochistic, but I kind of enjoy getting hurt.

If you ask, I'll tell you the awesomely animated story of what happened to me today at EST.

All it is is some blood, a red mark on your forehead, and a pretty cool story. The pain is so much less searing than say, a paper cut. None of that stinging business. And plus, for the rest of the week I'll be on my toes, a little less of the drone that school makes me into. I'll be able to touch that part on my nose that still throbs and remember that i actually experienced something other than "morning...school....activity...home". Something actually has happened inbetween those elipses that reminds me that I'm alive, a human who does things like bleed and get hurt and bow to all the worried onlookers.
I'm starting to realize where Chuck Palanhuik gets his stuff.

In other news, midterms start Thursday. To Mr. Midterm and his rowdy band i say "Fuck you!" I'll get through it, probably.

Dinnertime! I love you all.
<3Sophie

Ok ok, just one more...This one's imperitive...

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 13:15:06 GMT

You scored as Scary Spice. Your Spice Girl Identity is Scary Spice (aka Melanie B.) You are fierce and in control. You\'re a fight who gives her (his) opinion, even when not asked for it. Sometimes you can be pushy, and this results in people not getting to know the real you. You feel that your private life should remain private and everyone else should mind their own business.

</td>

Scary Spice

60%

Posh Spice

48%

Baby Spice

48%

Sporty Spice

44%

Ginger Spice

44%

Spice Girl Identity
created with QuizFarm.com

OK, HOW MUCH DOES THAT ROCK? I've always got stuck being Baby Spice. And i told you that my buddy icon was a video of me! Hah! I am victorious!

In other news, it's time to take a shower and suffer a slightly less hellish school day.

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 22:45:34 GMT

Well here it is, set in...html. Binding contract now.

Mod Commodity: itl be interesting if we win, or even get to the Superbowl. Philly will be a dangerous place...
Marvel107: yeah well you wont beat New England if you make it that far
Mod Commodity: oh? says who?
Marvel107: says me and the patriots
Mod Commodity: pshh
Mod Commodity: y'all are going DOWN
Marvel107: who would win in a fight a bunch of revolutionary soldiers or some eagles.hmmm
Mod Commodity: eagles would freakin peck their eyes out
Mod Commodity: and guns are for pussies
Marvel107: no way
Marvel107: well win'
Mod Commodity: naahh
Marvel107: we won last year
Marvel107: where were your eagles then?
Marvel107: hmm?
Mod Commodity: your time has come and gone
Mod Commodity: even without TO we're gonna make it
Marvel107: nope
Mod Commodity: yep
Marvel107: no way jose times a million
Mod Commodity: yuh huh times INFINITY
Mod Commodity: take that, bitch
Marvel107: you wanna bet?
Mod Commodity: ok, let
Mod Commodity: s
Marvel107: ok how much
Mod Commodity: we'll make this interesting
Marvel107: ok
Mod Commodity: say... $5 and the loser has to do something ridiculous that the winner decides
Marvel107: how about 10
Mod Commodity: fine
Marvel107: good
Mod Commodity: and what is this till? the superbowl?
Marvel107: if the teams make it to the superbowl. whatever team wins
Mod Commodity: alright
Mod Commodity: what if one *coughyourscough* doesn't even make it?
Marvel107: if your team doesnt make it the deal is off
Mod Commodity: ok fine
Marvel107: ok
Mod Commodity: we'll see how this turns out...
Marvel107: well see on gameday

This should be interesting.

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 17:28:41 GMT

You Are the Girl Next Door!

You're caring, warm, and the girl that nice guys want to marry.
Uncomplicated and simple, you've got an easy going attitude guys love.
But this doesn't mean you're dull - far from it!
You're a great conversationalist, and you're an expert at living the good life.

What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

That's really, really repulsive. I need to stop taking these quizzes.

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 16:42:12 GMT

You scored as Hermione Granger. You're extremely hard-working and will not feel satisfied with yourself unless you've given everything your all. You're very intelligent and make good use of your witty remarks and astounding ability to insult people. You tend to be a stickler for the rules but are smart enough to know that rules sometimes need to be broken. Your major downfall, however, is your fear of failure, which you should have no reason to fear. You love your friends but also like to keep them in line.

</td>

Hermione Granger

69%

Remus Lupin

66%

Harry Potter

66%

Ron Weasley

63%

Albus Dumbledore

56%

Sirius Black

56%

Oliver Wood

53%

Neville Longbottom

50%

Luna Lovegood

47%

Bellatrix Lestrange

44%

Percy Weasley

44%

Severus Snape

38%

Lord Voldemort

34%

Draco Malfoy

19%

Harry Potter Character Combatibility Test
created with QuizFarm.com

Yes...I'm the cool prick!

You scored as Mushrooms. Shrooms! You're still goin for one of the most natural drugs. You'd like to visit a whole other world, and see things you've never seen before. Fucking trippy.

</td>

Mushrooms

69%

Cocaine

63%

Inhalents

56%

Marijuana

44%

Ecstacy

44%

None!

38%

Alcohol

38%

What's your ideal drug?
created with QuizFarm.com

Yum...let's hope i don't throw myself off a balcony either.

You scored as Euterpe. You are Euterpe, the muse of music. You are an inventor, and you constantly come up with new ideas. You are happy when everyone else is happy.

</td>

Euterpe

94%

Terpischore

88%

Thalia

63%

Urania

50%

Clio

44%

Erato

44%

Calliope

44%

Melpomene

19%

Polyhymnia

Which of the Greek Muses are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

This one's actually pretty true.

Sledding time!

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 03:17:05 GMT

You scored as Visual/Spatial. You probably feel at home with the visual arts, maps, charts, and diagrams. You tend to think in images and pictures. You learn best by looking at pictures and slides, watching videos or movies, and visualizing. People like you include sculptors, painters, surgeons and engineers.

</td>

Visual/Spatial

86%

Verbal/Linguistic

75%

Intrapersonal

68%

Musical/Rhythmic

64%

Interpersonal

61%

Bodily/Kinesthetic

61%

Logical/Mathematical

25%

The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences
created with QuizFarm.com

Katie and I just a call from Pirate Peaches, Chippy McNeesh, and the Nowhere Man. I kind of wish they would call back, they were nice. But Nowhere man had to give the phone away and hung up. Oh well. Supposedly I have buried treasure in my backyard, or buttocks. I don't really know which he meant.

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 22:36:21 GMT

Protestors Target Bush's Inauguration

Wow. Look at the slideshow if you have a chance. It's pretty amazing what people can do when they all band together. And some of it is pretty freakin' clever.
But the saddest ones are towards the end, with the foreign countries protesting during the inauguration as well. Ol' Bushy-baby should feel pretty proud, he's taken over half the world, and bound the other half together in protest.

"What's different, Pete, about 69, that makes it so exciting to you?"

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 22:15:34 GMT

← The Propellerheads are officially awesome. They're like Chemical Brothers, and very, very cool.

↑ I love Blonde Redhead. Eli's not so into them, so I'll have to get one of their CDs with my own mulah at Tower or something instead of our joint iTunes account.

→ Speaking of Eli and music, no-go on the Interpol concert, cause it's a monday night, and my parents suck.

↓ I still need to hop on the Of Montreal concert though. Who knows where i can get tickets?

← I'm on a really big music thing recently, just getting even more into it and finding more bands and stuff. If anyone has some really awesome indie, techno, electronica, or anything you think i'd like, tell me about 'em.

↑ As you may be able to tell from the arrows and new layout colors, I'm also getting into another techie-nerd thing. Unfortunately, i actually know very little about formatting or programming or any of that. But as a start, if you know how to make layouts and have some time on your hands that you want to spend "charitably", would you like to teach me how to create LJ layouts?

"I gotta tuck my weave back in!"

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 03:01:02 GMT

This is what happens when it's snowing and I am feeling ridiculous:

"No! Crap! We forgot the Gatorade bottle! They'll catch us!"

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 06:03:27 GMT

ILC Reunion was

Sooo we got bored of Friends Select because so few people came... and decided to make our way to The Art Museum!

Mike is awesome, and apparently Irish.

Diane is not Irish.

Oh, two most beautiful boys in my life? Hello.

Katie and Diane are mermaids to the maxx.

Oh Dwight, you really don't need to give ol' statue man a blowjob...I mean, unless he reciprocates.

Abel's on a toad.

There they are! Behind the Eagles vendor!

Attaaaack!

Oh, it seems we've ended up on the Franklin Institute steps. Hi, Chipmunk and otherguy!

Aw, look guys, the gang's all here.

This is our new friend Stumpy.

One big happy family.

Oooh, sculpture.

Chipmunk and Buffalo, BFFAEAE.

Ride 'em, little man.

Abel, you could take that Elk down anyday.

Just because the sculpture is feeling herself up doesn't mean you have to help.

Finally, after a lot of walking...

Ladies and Gents, we have arrived at Mecca.

Ike being tall, and Dwight's foine butt.

Hey! It's Charlie! Is that a devil on his shoulder... or William Penn?

Did you know Mike's a Dojo master? Cause I didn't.

Once again, Diane's feeble attempts are foiled.

We're almost in, so no flash photography...
P.S. Sunday's mean 'pay as much as you want' days at the museum, aka we got 12 kids in for $18. Hott.

Ahh, the memories. Or those fit for the glowing screen, anyway.

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 16:46:23 GMT

I am in love with Snow Patrol's "Chocolate" video. If you have a yahoo account, go check it out on Launch. It's amazing, as is the song, as is the group. <3

REUNION TIME!

This weekend has been OK, considering.

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 15:09:58 GMT

You scored as Indie Rock. Indie Rock.

</td>

Indie Rock

75%

Indie

71%

Emo & More

67%

Industrial

42%

Classic Rock.

38%

Punk and Pop Punk.

38%

Britpop

29%

Mainstream

25%

Country

25%

Ska

25%

Hip Hop and Rap

17%

Hardcore

Music Recommendation
created with QuizFarm.com

Yaay! I saved myself from the Emo, and am still allowed to lust over boys in tight pants and shaggy hair.
Speaking of which...Jesus Christ Superstar was awesome. Leah was incredible, Judas reminded me of someone i can't think of, and at least 2/3 of the boys wore tight pants, even if they weren't hot.

Reunion in 2 hours. I hope everyone who I want to come does.

Love,
Sophie

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 20:17:02 GMT

This is the last post with anything heartfelt in it i'm planning on for a while.

For a long time I was in love
Not only in love, I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It didn't work out, I'm covered in shells

And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple man
So I could be a wife

I'm so ashamed, I've been so mean
I don't know how it got to this point
I always was the one with all the love
You came along, I'm hunting you down

Like a sick domestic abuser looking for a fight
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life

If we met tomorrow for the very first time
Would it start all over again?
Would I try to make you mine?

I always thought I'd be a mom
Sometimes I wish for a mistake
The longer that I wait, the more selfish that I get
You seem like you'd be a good dad

Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life
How'd I get so faithful to my freedom?
A selfish kind of life
When all I ever wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life...

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 19:59:54 GMT

Post Deleted.

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 03:47:42 GMT

I'm gonna try this crazy new thing ("called jogging, or yogging i dont know the pronounciation") that ive been advised to do a lot lately.

It's called CHILL OUT.

Here's the plan:

~Hang out with new people that i really love (AKA Leah Ivy Greenberg)
~Let out my tears/anger in a medium where i either talk to people without getting defensive, or punch a pillow and listen to Bright Eyes or something (Thanks Josh!)
~Learn to stop taking things so personally
~Go to reunion (I'm not going to Florida! whoo!) and see all the camp friends i miss so much
~Occupy my time, AKA do things i love so i don't dwell on things i hate
~Get smashed and forget my problems for a night
~Say the word "wonderful" more often. It makes things sound so much more pleasant.
~Really enjoy the people who love me, and get over the people who don't.

It doesn't sound so hard, now does it?

Yes, you CAN say "calm after the storm", Shiah.

I want to say "does anyone want to look for a yoga class to take with me", but id kind of rather do it alone, or with the one person of my choosing. So...I'm going to look for a yoga class to take. Don't follow me.

I wouldn't say I'm over every~~one~~thing, but I'm accepting and moving on. That's gotta count for something.

I love you ALL very very dearly, and I am truly lucky to have friends like you, despite the fact that you (me included) are all ~~psycho controlling manipulative emo confused upsetting inconsiderate dramatic problematic~~ teenagers.

love,
Sophia Grace Cassel, Esquire

"The only thing differentiating you from a 4-year-old is that you havent pulled your skirt up yet."

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 05:50:50 GMT

Soo, I feel a "Justify Sophie" post coming on. I used to spout every useless feeling i had on here, and that tended to get me in trouble. And then i totally stopped writing anything meaningful, which is boring. I might try the thing Drewy suggested, the private self-post thing. Anyway, let's see if I can find a happy medium...

If you haven't noticed, I've been really, really weird lately. Not weird as in "far out" weird, just as in introspective, moody, hermit bitch weird. And i could try to put the reasoning and the blame on other people, but obviously that won't get me anywhere. You can call it emo if you want, but I've been feeling really alone lately. The one person I truly could maybe get along with I feel like i don't even know. So how should i know if i get along with them or not? And now, now something is happening that could completely shatter most of my world. It's terrible being so dependent on something, especially someone, and maybe I've diversified a little or whatever lately, but I still cry about it. I have this amazing passage from a book i found that describes the feeling perfectly. Think a phantom limb type thing, that people with amputate legs or arms have. I won't post the words I don't think, because I don't want to incriminate myself that much. Anyway, I don't even know if I'm allowed to talk about what could-possibly-good-chance-be happening, so I haven't said anything to anyone about it, not even the main one involved. I don't want to "make it a bigger problem", because I am incredibly good at that. I don't have enough information to satisfy me, but I'm afraid to talk about it. I shouldn't be afraid or intimidated or astranged of/from this person. I can't help it. Maybe the whole idea is distance to save everyone's feelings. But it's not working. The phantom limb is still there.

Woah, i feel like i'm on a boat sitting down right now. I don't know why.

I also am starting to note all my flaws. Everyone knows and says, "ohhh of course I'm not perfect, everyone's got faults", and maybe i'm overly arrogant (note, that's #1), but most people look at things from their point of view, meaning they are in the right at all times. I've been a terrible hypocrite, which is made even worse by the fact that i hate hypocrisy. That's one right there. And I do have issues with people, and I've stopped talking about them too. I wish I could fix every~~one~~thing, but I can't. I always try to, and I ruin it.
It's like drawing a picture, obviously flawed but decent nonetheless. And then recoloring it to make it better, and ruining it. I do that too often.

Everyone who reads this, or who has gotten this far: Leave an anonymous comment on something I've done to hurt you emotionally, or any instances where you just wanted to slap me upside the head.

I feel so distant from everything, and I keep perpetuating this viscious cycle of shit in my life, where I dont want to get in anyone's way or annoy them further, so i step back, and end up making other people think I'm being snobby or mean or...crap. It's all been crap lately. I've cried more this week than I have in the past 2 or 3 years combined.

I'm such a social person, but I keep ruining, just fucking every little thing up recently. I want to stop, but I don't know how to. To everyone or anyone I've ever hurt, I am so sorry. I never mean to hurt anyone's feelings, and I know I'm egotistical and arrogant. If you tell me when I am, like in general conversation and stuff, I'll try really hard to stop. It'll be a new years resolution.

I'm sorry, and I love you.

Wow, this entry was really disjointed and long. Congrats if you made it to the end...though i have this haunting feeling that i probably started something shitty or worse off, because that's what tends to happen in these instances. No wonder I've been bottling.

Les photos.....

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 18:59:40 GMT

First off: OH NO OHEMGEE BRAD PITT AND ANISTON SPLIIIITTT. Aw, that's too bad. They were really cute. Jennifer, I'm sorry I caused this rift between you two, however Brad just has to go with his gut. Plus, he told me himself that I am infinitely better in bed than you. No hard feelings.

Second: New Year's Pictures! There are a LOT, so be patient.

And so it begins...

Awwwwww

It makes me feel better than I am clearly the sanest one here.

Pooh, Tigger, and a very flamboyant Christopher Robin came to visit!

Katie says i look like Olive Oyl.

The Hostess with the mostess!

Huh? What?

Oh Talia, always the camera ham.

Too cute for '04.

Oblivious, and yet...arousing...

Dressed up and rarin' to go.

Oh Jake...so close to crack... Hey, Mini Me's getting in on the action!

Frickity-left-foot-green.

Lemons, anyone?

Brunette + Blondie= Hotttt.

Aw, baby and a mentally unstable father...

What you don't see is how I'm not moving, due to her hair melding to mine.

Who would take such a degrading picture? Mini Me says, "Not I!"

Uh.

Spending some quality time with Soupy the pillow.

Look at the depth...

It's not what it looks like! What am i saying, of COURSE it is.

Rainaface and le Bling de Francais.

Time out with Soph and Soupy.

Eww, even her EARS are hairy!

Why Pooh, you're naked!!

Now that was a party. A really, really weird party. Happy 'ofive.

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 01:44:30 GMT

Leah Greenberg is the artist of my heart. What a day-brightener.

I'm finding that when you feel your crappiest, the only thing to do is get better. It's almost refreshing.

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 20:38:44 GMT

I want a good, solid hug real bad.

EDIT:
Oh, woah. Happy first entry of the new year, too. Maybe i'll post pictures from New Years Eve...later.

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 19:11:30 GMT

It's true, the resolutions are upon us...:

~ Meet new (like actually new, not just school-new) people.
~ Meet a new person, if you get my drift.
~ Learn to let go
~ Learn to stop worrying
~ Practice the drums
~ Start writing down all the things i think about.
~ Stop procrastinating (this one has been on my list since...5th grade?)
~ Go to the library more (I did yesterday, and it was fun times)
~ Get more exercise
~ Have F-U-N.

Yeah, let's hope some of those work out.
Yesterday I left Josh's early, and walked all the way to the library, where i proceeded to read an entire book (Multiple Choice). Talia says that the Sloppy First books describe her perfectly, that book described me...but a more extreme me. And the writing wasn't so great. But i still liked it. Then i went home and watched Best In Show with the fam, and made my parents worry about my mental health by painting a picture of Groucho Marx and accidentally almost burning down my room. Oh well.

People are coming over to watch Garden State (yippeeee!!), and then I'm seeing The Life Aquatic again, this time with RW and Ruth. Should be an experience, I hope.

Much love,
Sophie

Wow.

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 17:09:02 GMT

I just realized how much has HAPPENED this year. It's a lot. So I'ma take a cue from Jake and do it in pictures.

In chronological order...

Ladies, Ladies...NO SEX PLEASE, WE'RE BRITISH!

Party all night...

Bonjour, je suis francaise!

Summer, how long ago you seem...

ILC '04.

Who's THIS guy that's suddenly showing up everywhere?

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me...

TGS, one big, stinky, gazelle-carcass love.

BOO!

Ew, what is that?!

THE END. We'll miss ya, 2004.

Of mice, men, 8-years olds trapped in a teenager's body, and the number 42.

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 20:38:56 GMT

I really really want to know.
It's this stupid, open ended answer that will only depress me further
Unless I figure out the question.
How Douglas Adams-ish of me.
I want to know the Why, the When, the
How can I help?
But asking will only make it worse, cause me to push.
The drama has already come and gone, remember?
Then shouldn't there have been an ending?
It could have even been a tradgedy.
But we only got through the first 2 acts.
And there's more to come, after the popcorn break.
Maybe I'm making it up.
Maybe I'm the only one who thinks there's still something
To be solved.
Everyone else already read the book and knows the ending.
The last thing needed is more trouble.
But then why do i feel so unbelievably shitty,
Inferior, childish, and problematic?
Of course I'm going to ignore it.
Because I am the perfect little
Passive-aggressive wonder.
Not a single confrontational bone in my body.
What a load of crap.
I wish I knew what happened.