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Monday, January 31st, 2005
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| Time: | 12:51 pm. |
| Mood: |  New. | | Music: | Of Montreal~ An Intro for Isabelle. |
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So today marks a lot of things. The end of midterms, the last day of my braces, and the day that i stop letting the world take a shit on me. It's getting ridiculous. I used to be one of those girls who just didn't have problems, not with friends, or family, or school. That's all changed. A lot. Especially over the past few months.
I need to do a lot of things, and actually slow down and fix things instead of making it worse or generally messing myself up more.
I'm going to start writing things down more. If i can't tell people whats wrong with me, and i can't stop overthinking things, then I'm going to do something to pull the cork off the bottle.
I'm going to start being here for myself. If there's no one i can depend on in life, than I'll just have to be ready and waiting to help myself, all me, all the time, 24/7.
Think shedding an exoskeleton. I'm a snake.
With all that said, the new Sophie marks a new "diary", _droplette_. And this time it WILL be a journal, not some crappy messageboard. It will also be FRIENDS ONLY, so if you still like me, get me to add you on there, and vice versa.
Phew. I'm feeling good. Let's see how long this can last.
Love and a little hankie like the princess waves at her far-off prince,
Sophie
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Sunday, January 30th, 2005
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| Time: | 5:26 pm. |
| Mood: |  working. | | Music: | Frou Frou~ Shh. |
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Let's see how random and unfeeling we can make this entry....:
I really want a "Here Comes a Special Girl" hoodie. They are teh cUteness.
I got a 100-slot CD case, finally. But it's kind of sad that all my burned CDs take up most of the room.
Bio is the absolute bitch of the world. It never ends. Ever.
I need to persuade my parents to let me go to the HHH concert in March. They are so dumb when it comes to school-night activities.
Countdown...: 28 hours. I can't wait. I'll be rockin' the red lipstick and goofy smile, fer sure.
I may be a polar bear, but the snow is getting ridiculous. We can't play in it; why is it still here?
I want to go to Target.
Man, I love it when almost every sentence in an entry starts with "I". It reminds me that this is my journal, and anyone who reads it is just a nosy bystander.
Much love and like a million jogging suits,
Sophie
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Friday, January 28th, 2005
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| Time: | 7:47 pm. |
| Mood: |  Not midterms.. | | Music: | The Libertines~ Music When the Lights Go Out. |
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I'm starting to get sick of people. And i don't mean people in a crap, "I'm vague and looking to start a commotion" way. People in general. Sometimes there are better things...like books. And dogs who you can chase around the house. And tea.
I wish i was in Cape Cod. I think one summer I'll have to live there, and get a job at The Juice.
This is The Juice:
Yep, it's lopsided. And they make the best falafel I've ever tasted.
And this is Cape Cod:
And this is where I wish i was:
Just me and the big blue sea.
No LJ-Cut for you.
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Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
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This isn't meant to sound masochistic, but I kind of enjoy getting hurt.
If you ask, I'll tell you the awesomely animated story of what happened to me today at EST.
All it is is some blood, a red mark on your forehead, and a pretty cool story. The pain is so much less searing than say, a paper cut. None of that stinging business. And plus, for the rest of the week I'll be on my toes, a little less of the drone that school makes me into. I'll be able to touch that part on my nose that still throbs and remember that i actually experienced something other than "morning...school....activity...home". Something actually has happened inbetween those elipses that reminds me that I'm alive, a human who does things like bleed and get hurt and bow to all the worried onlookers.
I'm starting to realize where Chuck Palanhuik gets his stuff.
In other news, midterms start Thursday. To Mr. Midterm and his rowdy band i say "Fuck you!" I'll get through it, probably.
Dinnertime! I love you all.
<3Sophie
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Monday, January 24th, 2005
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 | You scored as Scary Spice. Your Spice Girl Identity is Scary Spice (aka Melanie B.) You are fierce and in control. You\'re a fight who gives her (his) opinion, even when not asked for it. Sometimes you can be pushy, and this results in people not getting to know the real you. You feel that your private life should remain private and everyone else should mind their own business.
Scary Spice | | 60% | Posh Spice | | 48% | Baby Spice | | 48% | Sporty Spice | | 44% | Ginger Spice | | 44% | </td>
Spice Girl Identity
created with QuizFarm.com |
OK, HOW MUCH DOES THAT ROCK? I've always got stuck being Baby Spice. And i told you that my buddy icon was a video of me! Hah! I am victorious!
In other news, it's time to take a shower and suffer a slightly less hellish school day.
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Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
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| Time: | 12:27 pm. |
| Mood: |  SNOOOOWW. | | Music: | Coldplay~ Don't Panic. |
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That's really, really repulsive. I need to stop taking these quizzes.
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Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
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Friday, January 21st, 2005
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| Time: | 10:14 pm. |
| Mood: |  French. |
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 | You scored as Visual/Spatial. You probably feel at home with the visual arts, maps, charts, and diagrams. You tend to think in images and pictures. You learn best by looking at pictures and slides, watching videos or movies, and visualizing. People like you include sculptors, painters, surgeons and engineers.
Visual/Spatial | | 86% | Verbal/Linguistic | | 75% | Intrapersonal | | 68% | Musical/Rhythmic | | 64% | Interpersonal | | 61% | Bodily/Kinesthetic | | 61% | Logical/Mathematical | | 25% | </td>
The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences
created with QuizFarm.com |
Katie and I just a call from Pirate Peaches, Chippy McNeesh, and the Nowhere Man. I kind of wish they would call back, they were nice. But Nowhere man had to give the phone away and hung up. Oh well. Supposedly I have buried treasure in my backyard, or buttocks. I don't really know which he meant.
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Thursday, January 20th, 2005
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| Time: | 5:33 pm. |
| Mood: |  In awe. |
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Protestors Target Bush's Inauguration
Wow. Look at the slideshow if you have a chance. It's pretty amazing what people can do when they all band together. And some of it is pretty freakin' clever.
But the saddest ones are towards the end, with the foreign countries protesting during the inauguration as well. Ol' Bushy-baby should feel pretty proud, he's taken over half the world, and bound the other half together in protest.
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← The Propellerheads are officially awesome. They're like Chemical Brothers, and very, very cool.
↑ I love Blonde Redhead. Eli's not so into them, so I'll have to get one of their CDs with my own mulah at Tower or something instead of our joint iTunes account.
→ Speaking of Eli and music, no-go on the Interpol concert, cause it's a monday night, and my parents suck.
↓ I still need to hop on the Of Montreal concert though. Who knows where i can get tickets?
← I'm on a really big music thing recently, just getting even more into it and finding more bands and stuff. If anyone has some really awesome indie, techno, electronica, or anything you think i'd like, tell me about 'em.
↑ As you may be able to tell from the arrows and new layout colors, I'm also getting into another techie-nerd thing. Unfortunately, i actually know very little about formatting or programming or any of that. But as a start, if you know how to make layouts and have some time on your hands that you want to spend "charitably", would you like to teach me how to create LJ layouts?
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Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
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Monday, January 17th, 2005
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Sunday, January 16th, 2005
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| Time: | 11:42 am. |
| Mood: | REUNION!!!. | | Music: | Snow Patrol~ Chocolate. |
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I am in love with Snow Patrol's "Chocolate" video. If you have a yahoo account, go check it out on Launch. It's amazing, as is the song, as is the group. <3
REUNION TIME!
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 | You scored as Indie Rock. Indie Rock.
Indie Rock | | 75% | Indie | | 71% | Emo & More | | 67% | Industrial | | 42% | Classic Rock. | | 38% | Punk and Pop Punk. | | 38% | Britpop | | 29% | Mainstream | | 25% | Country | | 25% | Ska | | 25% | Hip Hop and Rap | | 17% | Hardcore | | 8% | </td>
Music Recommendation
created with QuizFarm.com |
Yaay! I saved myself from the Emo, and am still allowed to lust over boys in tight pants and shaggy hair.
Speaking of which...Jesus Christ Superstar was awesome. Leah was incredible, Judas reminded me of someone i can't think of, and at least 2/3 of the boys wore tight pants, even if they weren't hot.
Reunion in 2 hours. I hope everyone who I want to come does.
Love,
Sophie
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Friday, January 14th, 2005
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Sunday, January 9th, 2005
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| Time: | 10:34 pm. |
| Mood: | Accepting. | | Music: | Can't wait for my Bright Eyes mix!. |
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I'm gonna try this crazy new thing ("called jogging, or yogging i dont know the pronounciation") that ive been advised to do a lot lately.
It's called CHILL OUT.
Here's the plan:
~Hang out with new people that i really love (AKA Leah Ivy Greenberg)
~Let out my tears/anger in a medium where i either talk to people without getting defensive, or punch a pillow and listen to Bright Eyes or something (Thanks Josh!)
~Learn to stop taking things so personally
~Go to reunion (I'm not going to Florida! whoo!) and see all the camp friends i miss so much
~Occupy my time, AKA do things i love so i don't dwell on things i hate
~Get smashed and forget my problems for a night
~Say the word "wonderful" more often. It makes things sound so much more pleasant.
~Really enjoy the people who love me, and get over the people who don't.
It doesn't sound so hard, now does it?
Yes, you CAN say "calm after the storm", Shiah.
I want to say "does anyone want to look for a yoga class to take with me", but id kind of rather do it alone, or with the one person of my choosing. So...I'm going to look for a yoga class to take. Don't follow me.
I wouldn't say I'm over everyonething, but I'm accepting and moving on. That's gotta count for something.
I love you ALL very very dearly, and I am truly lucky to have friends like you, despite the fact that you (me included) are all psycho controlling manipulative emo confused upsetting inconsiderate dramatic problematic teenagers.
love,
Sophia Grace Cassel, Esquire
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Soo, I feel a "Justify Sophie" post coming on. I used to spout every useless feeling i had on here, and that tended to get me in trouble. And then i totally stopped writing anything meaningful, which is boring. I might try the thing Drewy suggested, the private self-post thing. Anyway, let's see if I can find a happy medium...
If you haven't noticed, I've been really, really weird lately. Not weird as in "far out" weird, just as in introspective, moody, hermit bitch weird. And i could try to put the reasoning and the blame on other people, but obviously that won't get me anywhere. You can call it emo if you want, but I've been feeling really alone lately. The one person I truly could maybe get along with I feel like i don't even know. So how should i know if i get along with them or not? And now, now something is happening that could completely shatter most of my world. It's terrible being so dependent on something, especially someone, and maybe I've diversified a little or whatever lately, but I still cry about it. I have this amazing passage from a book i found that describes the feeling perfectly. Think a phantom limb type thing, that people with amputate legs or arms have. I won't post the words I don't think, because I don't want to incriminate myself that much. Anyway, I don't even know if I'm allowed to talk about what could-possibly-good-chance-be happening, so I haven't said anything to anyone about it, not even the main one involved. I don't want to "make it a bigger problem", because I am incredibly good at that. I don't have enough information to satisfy me, but I'm afraid to talk about it. I shouldn't be afraid or intimidated or astranged of/from this person. I can't help it. Maybe the whole idea is distance to save everyone's feelings. But it's not working. The phantom limb is still there.
Woah, i feel like i'm on a boat sitting down right now. I don't know why.
I also am starting to note all my flaws. Everyone knows and says, "ohhh of course I'm not perfect, everyone's got faults", and maybe i'm overly arrogant (note, that's #1), but most people look at things from their point of view, meaning they are in the right at all times. I've been a terrible hypocrite, which is made even worse by the fact that i hate hypocrisy. That's one right there. And I do have issues with people, and I've stopped talking about them too. I wish I could fix everyonething, but I can't. I always try to, and I ruin it.
It's like drawing a picture, obviously flawed but decent nonetheless. And then recoloring it to make it better, and ruining it. I do that too often.
Everyone who reads this, or who has gotten this far: Leave an anonymous comment on something I've done to hurt you emotionally, or any instances where you just wanted to slap me upside the head.
I feel so distant from everything, and I keep perpetuating this viscious cycle of shit in my life, where I dont want to get in anyone's way or annoy them further, so i step back, and end up making other people think I'm being snobby or mean or...crap. It's all been crap lately. I've cried more this week than I have in the past 2 or 3 years combined.
I'm such a social person, but I keep ruining, just fucking every little thing up recently. I want to stop, but I don't know how to. To everyone or anyone I've ever hurt, I am so sorry. I never mean to hurt anyone's feelings, and I know I'm egotistical and arrogant. If you tell me when I am, like in general conversation and stuff, I'll try really hard to stop. It'll be a new years resolution.
I'm sorry, and I love you.
Wow, this entry was really disjointed and long. Congrats if you made it to the end...though i have this haunting feeling that i probably started something shitty or worse off, because that's what tends to happen in these instances. No wonder I've been bottling.
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Saturday, January 8th, 2005
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First off: OH NO OHEMGEE BRAD PITT AND ANISTON SPLIIIITTT. Aw, that's too bad. They were really cute. Jennifer, I'm sorry I caused this rift between you two, however Brad just has to go with his gut. Plus, he told me himself that I am infinitely better in bed than you. No hard feelings.
Second: New Year's Pictures! There are a LOT, so be patient.
( What happens when we decide against caroling outside Woodcock's house... )
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
embelys_mallet's journal
accomplished.
bright.
...Spirited?.
creative.
odd.
cold.
Sorry.